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A sonnet ?
By alienrhymer on 12/03/2010
Viewed: 216
Reviews: 5
Rating:

I do love your satirical tongue 


Written by mwhousemouse  (12/3/2010 7:57:32 AM)

Anna has the rhyming tongue that sings to me, and this piece sings wonderfully. Sonnet (little song) is what I see here and not questioned or expelled as a "modern sonnet". But an English or
Shakespearean Sonnet in meter it is not. As your lovely song so aptly asks : Why fourteen? you might, also, ask: Why iambic pentameter? The reason I enjoy trying to employ all the elements is that I become more aware of rhythms in meter as I struggle to find the words that say and also fit this old form. Learning and trying to understand this discipline increases my awareness of all rhythms used in all forms Especially! free form.

line 1 - Your meter is:
I'm feel-ing diz-zy in the rain
' - ' - ' - ' -
' = anaccented
- = accented
The uns & accs are right on throughout.
Line 1 has 8 syllables or meters making it octameter. Your lines vary in meter between 6 & 8 & in no way lessens the quality of your work but the form asks for 10 syllables.
I don't suggest you rework this piece but I urge you to try again because you are so close to mastering this discipline. Up to you, but I would love to see another because I so enjoy your work.
Well done
Michael
Oh, I loved the musical reference in line 13 "clef & key"

hey you should mve this to the challenge room 

No Rating
Written by Red Roses and Wine  (12/3/2010 8:57:58 AM)

thanks for posting

 


Written by lilyluna22  (12/3/2010 9:34:16 AM)

Interesting but the lines seem seperate from each other, like you changed subject midway through.

now I can give this a * * * * * 


Written by Red Roses and Wine  (12/8/2010 9:07:01 AM)

The syllabic variation of this sonnet is another example of variations in this genre. Of course some traditionalists prefer the iambic pentameters. My love above, Mike loves his traditional Sonnets. But the more I read on this genre the more I learn about the variables in this genre. This has turned out to be a great challenge after all. And truly a learning experience for me. Thanks Mike and alien rhymer for teaching me something new.

in a million sonnets... 


Written by JinglesMcFeelgood  (2/7/2011 8:59:34 PM)

I've never read one as funny as this, as blythe and unconcerned with convention as this.


The clue is clef that is the key.
What I would rather do is ski.


best bit. hands down.


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