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A Rag Manikin’s Madness CHALLENGE 8
By JAM on 03/01/2011
Viewed: 247
Reviews: 7


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Written by kewlstar  (3/2/2011 4:14:39 AM)

Hello JAM, is this for Challenge 8? If it is I would have to keep the image of the contest in mind and re-read this poem :P

Interesting Story!!! 

Written by supriyamothay  (3/2/2011 8:30:22 AM)

I thought it was contradictory at places... Not sure if you meant it to be.... A very different perspective to the picture though!!!

I think the 4th line should be:
"It (knew) not what disgust was. Cause it felt nothing" ???


Written by kewlstar  (3/2/2011 8:49:33 AM)

First of all props to you for bringing a whole new dimension to this poem, I love it. However :P if you would re-read this poem and polish its flow it would be that much better. The poem starts slightly abrupt and slightly confusing, but as I read along it all starts to make sense and develops into a very nice poem. Try re-write the first stanza. "And when he came to return" re-word either "came" or "return", they both mean the same thing. "Was it cried" re-word, "were its cries". Few grammatical errors. A great attempt, Keep writing :)

YAY narrative! 

Written by JinglesMcFeelgood  (3/6/2011 1:58:41 PM)

This story is nice. But there could be some word choice editing, the first stanza last line doesn't need 'cause', for example, in my opinion.

I think the end rushes up a little, you could definitely build some suspense there. But over all I like the story, I like the idea. It just needs a little tweaking to be amazing.

moving to top of page 

No Rating
Written by Red Roses and Wine  (3/14/2011 12:31:21 PM)


No Rating
Written by flanders  (3/15/2011 6:41:57 AM)

looking good for this piece jam thanks should
do well,flanders.,.

A Rag Manikin's... 

Written by DesertBoyIan  (5/12/2011 8:30:44 AM)

Such a creative take on the photo! I very much enjoyed it! Peace - Ian

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