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Challenge 8 - Satiated
By DesertBoyIan on 03/06/2011
Viewed: 170
Reviews: 4


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Written by JinglesMcFeelgood  (3/6/2011 1:52:51 PM)

I love narrative poetry, which is why I'm commenting.

It's a good topic, one with a strong tradition, that death brings the faithful home to a place of no pain. But This story needs more. A man who is empty, I want to know how he got that way. I want to know about him. And if there's no other time to tell your story it's the last moments of your life.

Free again!! 

Written by supriyamothay  (3/7/2011 1:13:13 AM)

Again a different concept... I love how you visualized the scene as happening within the inner self and also the happy ending.... Cheers

Very nice Ian 

Written by kewlstar  (3/7/2011 8:26:17 AM)

I love how the poem ends, charismatic and strong. Lovely comparison to the image of the competition. This poem could be that much more beautiful if you would use more vivid imageries to describe your imagination of a holy spirit entering him. The meditation and him being one with god is described quite literally here. You started of great with imageries such as, "his parched lips move silently, earnestly", "By the light of a single bare bulb". Needed more of these as the poem progressed. Thank you for posting, this is a very good poem and very unique. Keep writing :)

moving to top of page 

No Rating
Written by Red Roses and Wine  (3/14/2011 12:31:04 PM)

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