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Mentor (Challenge 17)
By DesertBoyIan on 05/27/2011
Viewed: 132
Reviews: 2
Rating:

The first, a 3, the second, a FIVE! 


Written by JAM  (5/27/2011 8:27:54 AM)

I feel you really worked it in the "diamond" one
The word change is great, but let's tal the flow
The flow (in the 2nd) is choppy at first, BUT
As One Reads It, it has this 'effect' where the chops make sense and smooth into a GREAT FLOW NICE;)

 


Written by supriyamothay  (5/28/2011 3:29:38 AM)

I love these lines somehow:

Not just songs, but stories,
Poetry, ideas,

It kind of transitions well from songs to ideas moulding the man...

The difference between the coal and diamond is too glaring not to notice... I love it!!!


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