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untitled
By mormepuppy95 on 06/17/2011
Viewed: 231
Reviews: 4
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Written by mormepuppy95  (6/17/2011 1:38:35 AM)

that makes me so mad.. it was supposed to be 2 columns... talking about a girl on the left and a boy on the right. it looked so cool! dang...

untitled 


Written by lindaseaver  (6/20/2011 5:25:15 AM)

your poem starts out happy and ends on a sad note a lot of emoition and feeling in your writing
good poetry

I've Been There Before 


Written by BornToBeAWriter  (6/22/2011 1:03:47 PM)

I can really relate to your poem. I know what that feels like because I've been there before. I felt that way about a guy in school this year! I have poems like this I'm going to post soon!!! I hope you check them out!!!

novel domino 


Written by JinglesMcFeelgood  (6/24/2011 12:52:17 PM)

I almost never give five stars. Especially when I think work still needs tweaking.

However.

This piece is so different and requires such thought and focus to read that i know it must have been either an effort or a wrench to write. If it came bubbling out of you then well done. read it again. and consider changing it some. Either delete some lines, or vary the length of them, especially if you want to create the feeling of being sucked into a maelstrom of emotion. (I suspect this is the case)

If you have writeen this with effort, cheoreographic the lines to braid like they do: let me offer my congratulations. This is amazing. I could not have done it. You have two distict voices that meet and part again and again, weaving misery like a mantle. But my same advice applies. Consider combining lines, or breaking them up or deleting some. It is important not to lose your reader before that powerful all-stop motion ending. And it was easy to lose the flow.

But even if you do not change it, the work deserves the five stars none the less.


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