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the spit of your mother(challenge20)
By flanders on 06/21/2011
Viewed: 256
Reviews: 3
Rating:

 


Written by lilyluna22  (6/21/2011 9:20:01 AM)

Ok first thing, it should be you're not your. This error sours the reader from the get go so you should fix when you can. The rhyming could be done better, or left out all together. The flow stunts at places
" go on you are sure the other day i thought it
was you till she spoke,"


"go out and buy new cloths" Did you mean clothes?

Spelling mistakes will make any editor not give your work a second glance.

You have an interesting subject but I think you need to work on the execution.

 


Written by Whenshecries  (6/21/2011 11:08:22 AM)

I actually thought it was pretty good

mother 

No Rating
Written by flanders  (6/22/2011 7:57:44 AM)

yea she was a bit hard there lol.thanks for the review,flanders.,.


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