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I will be sure to see the sun
By snowandrain on 11/13/2011
Viewed: 202
Reviews: 2

i will 

Written by flanders  (11/13/2011 10:20:08 AM)

better poetry here thanks for the read.



No Rating
Written by mwhousemouse  (11/13/2011 11:52:40 AM)

Although, "shining golden sun" is a bit cliche, here it offers strength of alliteration golden gorgeous & August" (internally) & "sure & shining" to enrich the sound of this piece.
You offer a pleasant thought with your imagery in a few words.
It might be strengthened by editing the lines:
"in her gorgeous arms / tonight"
I love the richness of "gorgeous" but am left focusing only on her "arms" in terms of her beauty.
Also, at first read, I pictured arms of the sun at night.
Just some thoughts - reread & see what you think.
Thanks Michael

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