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Living In Pretend
By standrkm on 01/17/2012
Viewed: 306
Reviews: 5


Written by MarlaMartian  (1/19/2012 2:52:33 AM)

i love this one.. i didnt want it to end. :)


Written by Mr.Tibbs  (1/20/2012 3:06:11 PM)

I like the theme, and the way the first stanza made me say thats deep, my only suggestion is the way you end it. It seems like you just stop it abruptly. I feel like the way it should have ended was by the way you rhymed through the whole poem, and i feel like there was more to say.. But other than that good job.


Written by sailboat  (1/20/2012 3:33:58 PM)

I like this and in this forum meter is not a concern. I agree with the other reviews, the poem ends too abruptly. Perhaps, if the two lines in the first two octaves were repeated in the final sestet, this would feel more complete,

As a suggestion, you might add:

let the fire burn
and it burns so well


Written by Medicmatt2042  (1/20/2012 9:50:04 PM)

Such a sweet poem. Gave me butterflies. Great work!


Written by JOHNY  (1/24/2012 5:11:36 AM)

nice poem i really feel it

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