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Until
By Msjewel on 01/23/2012
Viewed: 277
Reviews: 4
Rating:

 


Written by stephiewoods  (1/23/2012 5:48:34 PM)

I really like your poem. I think if flows nicely.

 


Written by kewlstar  (1/23/2012 11:42:45 PM)

Beautiful poem jewel, it brings a sudden calm and peace when I read it. Thank you,

Keep Writing :)

Skilled writer 


Written by sailboat  (1/24/2012 8:57:38 AM)

Hello Ms Jewel,

Welcome to Moontown. This is a very well written piece, It has a basic structure similar to a Lyrical Ballad , including the refrain, and yet the rhythm and strophe breaks vary just enough to make this Free Verse. Alliteration and enjambment are here as well. I like the way this is constructed this very much.

I like the tone and storyline in this as well and only see a couple of minor nits. In the 5th line of strophe 1 "Then let it fall, smooth and silky", I'm not sure if this is referring to the hair, or the the warm rain. A simple rewording might clear this up. Example: "Let the hair/rain fall, smooth and silky". One more nit, but this is just my take and the next strophe is fine. However, for clarity in the 7th line, "Find my heart your safe harbor", maybe: "Keep my heart in your safe harbor"?

It's hard to tell a writer's ability from just one poem, but this is quality work Jewel. I hope you can share some of your skills with the younger Moonies here.

awesome 


Written by Unknown Member  (1/24/2012 2:06:07 PM)

very nice poem i like the title ;) Julie :)


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