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Love Is Here
By AusaraMoon on 05/09/2013
Viewed: 204
Reviews: 4
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Written by kennethcook  (5/10/2013 7:31:20 AM)

Good job: Lots of great imagery and emotive language, conveying the romantic theme excellently! I have one suggestion: Please consider re-structuring the piece so that it reads more easily in the mind, and sounds better on the tongue. By breaking it up into more cohesive, structured lines/stanzas, you'll achieve a more comprehensive, 'flowing' syntax. The wordsmithing here is fantastic! 8-)

 


Written by kennethcook  (5/10/2013 7:32:05 AM)


 

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Written by AusaraMoon  (5/10/2013 2:36:58 PM)

Thank you Kenneth very much, I'll most definitely use your suggestions!

 

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Written by dawolfie  (5/13/2013 7:04:22 PM)

I like "detox impure feelings".

Like Kenneth said, I think it may have more "poetic punch" with a different format. I feel like there is a longer version of this lurking somewhere in your inner poet's book.

Good read!


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