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Stretching for a moment
By peices of pisces on 03/13/2005
Viewed: 996
Reviews: 8
Rating:

It sounds like there should be more to this. 

No Rating
Written by Yolanda C.  (3/13/2005 9:58:47 PM)

Sorry but it looks incomplete as if this stanza was a intro to a longer poem. I also didn't quite understand how......? "He never intended for it to be cold outside." It sounds like he could control the weather here. "his throat hurt from screaming melodically." Screaming what? Err....I think melodically is a typo. Did you mean melodiously? I did like the last line. "We do the same things sometimes." Makes me think that the poem was about two people who like each other but can't express it but do identical actions to kind of express interest in each other. However, I'm only guessing that. If that was the idea, it would be good to say more.

this 

No Rating
Written by Contradiction Overload  (4/8/2005 1:58:30 PM)

this is what good poetry is about. I love snapshot pieces.

There 


Written by mjreynolds  (4/19/2005 5:21:26 AM)

is a long and interesting story here, and I bet it is different for every reader. It gives my imagination a shake and points me in many directions. It explains and mystifies. I love it. Thanks Erin for featuring this one, I would not have otherwise seen it.

... 

No Rating
Written by spencer  (4/28/2005 8:49:08 PM)

it reminds me of Ruppunzel, yet in NYC-a girl looking out of her 5th fl flat down at her beau who is singing like a fool

I like this. 

No Rating
Written by mena  (4/29/2005 8:00:01 PM)

It seems to me as if he never intended... is like saying, it just happened that way. It was cold, perhaps he thought it would be spring, but you mimicked eachother in winter and that is just when the realization set in. I really enjoyed this piece.

 


Written by Biggus  (1/14/2008 11:22:49 AM)


 


Written by rachelle1165  (1/14/2008 1:14:35 PM)


 


Written by motherofson  (1/14/2008 1:31:11 PM)

I believe you need to explain why you brought up it being cold. Why were you outside? Something. Take out "so melodically" and "awkwardly". The adjectives are meaningless. Nice last five lines, but they are an ending to a poem with a longer beginning.


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