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Where My Heart Was
By MikeC16958 on 04/17/2005
Viewed: 609
Reviews: 7
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Written by indigo_marie  (4/17/2005 9:53:22 AM)

loved the sentiment in this poem. Some of the internal rhyme was really great too. Nice work.--marie

Thanks Marie 

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Written by MikeC16958  (4/17/2005 11:31:33 AM)

This one's special to me. I got the line "you were where your heart was, no one can blame you for that" from a chat I had with someone last night, late.This one, like a previous one -one I wrote last week - follows the beat, rhythm and tempo of a song - this one, a Norah Jones song - I couldn't get out of my head last night. Funny how you "derive" rhyme scheme from the wierdest places. Thanks for looking in on this one and responding so nicely. Peace to you. :-)

I haven't been here in awhile,yet when I find one 


Written by maggieb  (4/24/2005 4:10:48 PM)

of your poems, I feel as if I am home again. You have an exceptional talent. I always look for your work, the imagery and feeling are all too real.

You are home, Maggie! 

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Written by MikeC16958  (4/24/2005 8:18:48 PM)

Don'tcha ever forget that! Thanks most kindly for your sentiments and compliments. HUGS! and Peace!

Too many words 

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Written by coomadoug  (4/25/2005 6:51:31 AM)

There are words in this poem that have nothing to offer but the filling of space. As an exercise in expansion of possibilities I would eliminate 30 words, all of them pronouns. I, we you and me and the varialtions could be cut back to one or two of each and so bring in more imagination and flexibility for the reader. Apart from this aspect, your work has underlying qualities of mood and emotion, perhaps a little cramped and fenced in by the specific persona

I wanted to respond to you from 

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Written by MikeC16958  (4/25/2005 7:45:42 PM)

work this morning but couldn't. I had a beat or rhythm in mind when I wrote this. Yeah it's wordy but as with "Hourglass" from last year (my translation of a Hungarian song I uploaded here), I can tap my foot while I read this to a 4/4 time and have the rhythm of this make sense. I will tighten this up and work on the "tag" line - which seems awkwardly out of rhythm to me even still - when I get the gumption. Thanks for encouraging my impetus to do so.

 


Written by MentalVoyage  (12/30/2007 1:39:39 PM)

I love this poem! It reminds me of a love I have. One that will never be, but yet I love it just the same.


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