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Clear Glass Roses
By rockia on 08/13/2005
Viewed: 568
Reviews: 5
Rating:

Sad... 

No Rating
Written by WarmthOfRain  (8/15/2005 1:47:21 AM)

This was kinda sad I don't want to say anything about it Other than I could feel the despair of loneliness

pretty cool 

No Rating
Written by bonbon  (8/17/2005 6:16:23 AM)

i didn't like the start, i found it a bit confusing. but i love the ending luv bon

Good work! 


Written by sonataincminor  (8/19/2005 7:26:40 AM)

You have two threads here. One, about clear glass roses, the other about the permanence of stars. I'm going to suggest that you intertwine them more, or go with two seperate stanzas. I also think this would have more impact in first and second person, not first and third (get rid of the 'he' and use 'you' instead.) 'Suppose' should also be in past tense, 'supposed'. Lastly, in this type of poem, avoid capitalizing each line, it breaks the flow. Need some punctuation. Really like the imagery, though. Clear glass roses paint a vivid picture, and you do a good job of conveying anger without sobs. Good work!!

 


Written by Biggus  (12/18/2007 5:57:24 AM)


 

No Rating
Written by bornwriter  (2/20/2009 4:26:13 PM)

i like the ideas that are here but feel confused. you should try to make the reader think for themselves rather than telling the reader.


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