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Vagrant Drinks
By iGod on 08/31/2005
Viewed: 716
Reviews: 26
Rating:

And you call yourself a poet? 

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Written by iGod  (9/2/2005 12:42:41 PM)

"MS Finch," that's sad how you hold me in contempt due to your personal satisfaction to get even. If you read the reviews, I admit that I was wrong for criticizing your reviews, but I don't think you saw that or maybe you just want to get even. Whatever the reason is, and after reading your actually "analysis" of my poem, I don't care anymore because you lack the ability to be a poet.

Avoiding the hurt is all I can do.
Set me free, set me free.
I want to see you again.
Come again, and tell me.
I want to see your face.

In a lyric, what things does it have? This first stanza is the chorus part. I chose to start off with the chorus part first because of the way I plan to end it, which, I believe, is a totally new original idea for a lyric. Do you know what repetition does? Repetition gives effects of importance, which is why I repeat some of the lines.

And you called yourself a poet? 

No Rating
Written by iGod  (9/2/2005 12:46:34 PM)

Yet again, the night is my friend.
With a bottle in my hand, that's how it's going to end.
Empty emotions fill these bottles.
I can't embrace the facts.
I can't let go; and I can't relax.
I've been drinking for you.
I've been drinking for us.
All these feelings bottled up inside,
These bottles of courage, hope to find you well.
I hope to find you well.

"The night is my friend" is a simile. How is "the night is my friend" a cliche? Prove that it is a cliche. Cliche is a timeworn expression or idea. "Father Time," "white as snow," and "cheeks like roses" are cliches; but I don't see how "the night is my friend" a cliche. For "empty emotions," empty, if you look it up, means meaningless; and the line has personification. "'Meaningless' emotions" personifying as a person who fill these bottles of drinks for the person, but that's just the person talking.

And you called yourself a poet? 

No Rating
Written by iGod  (9/2/2005 12:47:11 PM)

"Bottle of courage" means alcohol bottle, and I used that cliche to my advantage because it makes sense in this poem. And the last line, "I hope to find you well" is just repetative of the last phrase, but it foreshadows the ending.

Avoiding the hurt is all I can do.
Set me free, set me free.
I want to see you again.
Come again, and tell me.
I want to see your face.

And the chorus is repeated.

And my hands are restless,
Maybe you'll learn when you see me.
Because the driving cradles me to sleep,
The thought keeps me a wake.
Across the Rubicon is where I am.
The die is cast,
This chance to drop off.
What was I to you? What was I to you?
This relief, it's the oddest thing!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh me!

And you called yourself a poet? 

No Rating
Written by iGod  (9/2/2005 12:50:45 PM)

This stanza is the raising action of the story in this lyric. "My hands are restless" is another personification. "Maybe you'll learn when you see me" foreshadows the upcoming event. Yes, he's driving; but what is more important is that there is another foreshadowing and personification. "Sleep," in this case, means death; and, "the driving" is personified because it "cradles" him to death. The next line, "the thought keeps me a wake," is a pun actually. Did you noticed how I separated the word? A wake is a watching of a corpse before its burial. In this scenario, the alcoholic is watching himself as a dead man before his burial. The juxtaposition of death and "a wake" should have shown you that there was something in those two lines, but you were probably too choked up in your self satisfaction. "Across the Rubicon" is a phrase that symbolizes treason.

And you called yourself a poet? 

No Rating
Written by iGod  (9/2/2005 12:51:23 PM)

When Caesar crossed the Rubicon, he knew that it was treason to lead an army into the political area of the Senate and that there was no turning back after he did. In the Bible, killing oneself is treason with God. Am I right? "The die is cast" is a pun not a cliche. Now, in the next lines, he's driving over the bridge and into the river. Death is a relief for him but it's odd because he committed treason with God. The "oh my God" is just another reference to that treason he commited, but I changed the last phrase to "oh me" because he's probably going get punished by God and be sent to hell.

Avoiding the hurt is all I can do!
Set me free, set me free!
I want to see you again!
Come again! Tell me!
How is your face!

And you called yourself a poet? 

No Rating
Written by iGod  (9/2/2005 12:56:12 PM)

I don't want to be in some poetry site where "matured poets" criticize like they're a big shot and they think they understand the poet's work. "You'll meet some great people, and find that your poetry will increase in quality and coherence. We are so excited to be able to have you here with us, and are anxious to see just what YOU have to offer." Yeah, some website this has truly turned out to be. As for your "personal" journey, you posted on the internet. How personal can that get? And as for "raspberrychaos," not only did you insulted me, you jumped on the bandwagon with "MS Finch" without fully understanding the situation. Just like the people who jumped on the bandwagon with President Bush about how war in Iraq, I dislike your comment. Oops! I'm sorry. Was "jumping on the bandwagon" a cliche? Pffffft. Not even close, it's an idiom. The only thing that I regret is sharing my work with poets like "MS Finch" who can't understand a poet's work.

 

No Rating
Written by ms finch  (9/2/2005 2:25:43 PM)


 

No Rating
Written by ms finch  (9/2/2005 2:32:32 PM)


i'll tell ya what's wrong 

No Rating
Written by duchess  (9/3/2005 10:34:09 AM)

with your poem, is it's not a poem. it's a fucking song. a lot of lyricis read rather simply, even cliche'd but it doesn't make it a bad song. however, the fact that you showed up here with your little big attitude problem and started insulting some of the most respected writers around here, you automatically negated your credibility and replaced it with laughability. and yes, you continue to thrash from the crib like an evil little child by pointing out peoples ages and their shortcomings. exhibiting the symptoms of the socially retarded. i have a feeling this is not the real you. be nice. be humble. change your screename, get an enema...come back next week.

Awesome Poem 


Written by SATANSADVOCATE  (9/3/2005 1:03:27 PM)

this poem/song is really good and i like it! very sorrowful and dark, also quite passionate you can hear the author's unabashed remorse, and his lament for his/her partner


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