And I like it a lot. Well, the 'cheap velvet' isn't quite the image I think you want. Maybe you could pull that out of here and use it somewhere else, while replacing it in this poem with something, well, something better. This poem could also delve a bit more into erotica, it seems too shortly ended with the 'tan on my skin'. That's an image that could go places. Why don't you see where it leads?