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Cataclysmic finding.
By Ethic-Inamorata on 11/04/2005
Viewed: 507
Reviews: 5
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what would make me love this poem 

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Written by ms finch  (11/4/2005 11:36:15 AM)

if you moved it out of passive tense

ie / get rid of all the "ing's"

that would really make this baby move


~finchy

 


Written by dandycky26  (11/6/2005 3:35:21 PM)

great poem. very descriptive, you can almost feel the words make sense. i enjoyed it. looking foward to your next piece. oh, and i did do the whole grammar thing in my poem on purpose, thanks for picking up on that.

 

No Rating
Written by Ethic-Inamorata  (11/7/2005 12:12:34 PM)

Hmm I don't believe the use of 'ing' words make it less than what it is, or passive (because passive by definition means the receiver of something) I think you meant to say that I crafted this poem in the past tense. But with all that said, it IS a hypothetical poem, It's deliberate that I've set it in the context that it is in and by changing the tense to what you feel would be more tangible would alter the meaning and profoundness of the poem.

Thank you for the critique :o)

Can i just say one thing: 


Written by The girl with the thorn in her side  (11/8/2005 11:59:15 AM)

I have been reading your work, and you are my newest indulgence. I absolutley love your vision, and the way you speak. Your words are versatile, but not complicating. I love this!

 


Written by BDDC  (11/8/2005 10:27:15 PM)

This love is a sword that has been injured and sheathed, and when revealed is still hidden by a fine lace. Appropriate lustful allusion.


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