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Someone New
By dandycky26 on 01/20/2006
Viewed: 634
Reviews: 2


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Written by loverstail  (1/20/2006 4:43:21 PM)

you may love this person but for how long will it last.


Written by sonataincminor  (2/12/2006 11:02:06 PM)

Wonderful feeling, isn't it? Ok, this poem really needs some punctuation. Commas, hyphens, something to let the reader pause and breathe. In stanza 2, 'when you see them' is plural. That doesn't match with all the references that are singular. If you don't want the reader to know if this person is male or female, you need to reword the line. If you want the reader to know, then him or her. It's also a shift from third person to second, which can be done but it's better done in a new stanza. The line 'that I knew was it for too long' is a bit confusing. How 'bout 'that I knew was the right one for too long' or something to that effect. Lastly, I'm a bit confused about whether this new person knows how you feel or not. I think you could go deeper into that. But overall, you've got some good wordsmithing here. Polish it up, ok?

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