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By dandycky26 on 01/22/2006
Viewed: 480
Reviews: 2

YES, yes and yes! 

Written by MikeC16958  (1/22/2006 11:43:43 PM)

Well done. Well said. I've felt this and feel this a lot lately! Peace to you in your travels through "life."


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Written by sonataincminor  (2/12/2006 10:08:38 PM)

The very last line has too much crowded in it. Should be two or four lines, depending on how much you expand. Also, this work needs some commas and periods. There's so much going on it's difficult to keep it all straight, and we all need a space to breathe now and again. Stanza 7, the single line, should be ' one does' or 'they do' rather than 'you do', as it reflects directly up into stanza 6's 'people' and 'no one'. Stanza 9, also, should be 'we' or 'one', not 'you'. There's no indication that the 'you' there means anything other than the specific reader, and I don't think that's what you want there. Get some good editing done on this, and you've got a real knock-down, drag-out, take no prisoners poem!!

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