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you say you love me
By goodgirl_gonebad on 12/22/2006
Viewed: 466
Reviews: 3
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Written by Persephone Rose  (12/22/2006 11:49:49 AM)

i like what you are conveying, but there are some errors. in the third line, there should be they┬┤re. in the forth line continuse, should be continues. the end is very good, however i might suggest to strengthen the end effect, and to keep the ryme, please stop the screaming and be here for me all the time, and not only when you feel the urge.

 

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Written by l0nnieugene  (12/22/2006 12:22:09 PM)

Whoa! i hope he's not the reason You're a good girl gone bad? if so, then Ur due4 an immediate reversion back2Your old self 'cause he aint hardly worth the effort. Your self worth should tell You that. Listen, if he treats You like an animal (¬ a domestic1@that) why rU stayin' pleadin' with him 2b somethin' he isn't. we have a phrase in law "It is what it is." that phrase applies equally2humans. Screaming is obviously in his blood stream. & Ur his scream sounding board of choice. don't You know U& think that You deserve better. If You don't think so, then You are consigned2 a lifetime of screamers & belitterers. You know You should take a course in self-esteem. You owe it2 Yourself. 'cause in the end it's a quality of life issue. Your poem makes me twinge & i don't even know You like that!!!!!!!!!!

LIA 


Written by LIA  (12/22/2006 10:57:07 PM)

ALTHOUGH VERY BUSY I THOUGHT THE OVERALL MESSAGE WAS THERE. I JUST THINK THAT YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN BEFORE YOU WRITE AND BREATH BUT THEN I THINK YOU SHOULD LET THAT MAN GO.

LIA


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