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She
By The.student on 12/27/2006
Viewed: 432
Reviews: 7
Rating:

 


Written by cobb3344  (12/27/2006 12:27:57 PM)


DEEP 


Written by LIA  (12/30/2006 7:11:50 PM)


 


Written by MARQUESARJ30  (12/30/2006 7:16:38 PM)


She 


Written by 1cowboy  (1/1/2007 9:26:52 AM)

Okay, first you need to know how to spell. If you want to be published--regardless of what--you'd best learn to edit, rewrite and do it all over again.

2nd, the 5th stanza is a stretch with "Thunk, Thunk, Thunk." You're working too hard to come up with rhyme! That ain't gonna cut it.

Sorry, but have spent 45 years as professional writer. You've got the spark, you need to hone he skills.

Ausa-san 

No Rating
Written by Poetic.memory  (6/5/2007 5:04:27 PM)

Hai, i love it Neko-san

 


Written by gwizardstar  (6/6/2007 9:30:36 AM)

Another great poem this is the 3rd I 've read of your work and I'm quickly becoming a fan.I loved this one as I can relate to it a lot I had a drunken Step Father who mentally torchered me and my brothers.This poem gets you right in your heart tugging at those heart strings as if you're meant to feel what she was feeling.Once again Excellent.

 

No Rating
Written by Zyskandar A. Jaimot  (6/7/2007 11:49:24 AM)

dear student - having 'read' most of ur poems on this site - i have found moments of insight/clarity amid a muddle of trying to be the poets whom you admire meaning poe, tse, + others - IF YOU WANT TO CRITICIZE BUSH (A VERY E-Z TARGET THESE DAYS) DO IT WITH SUM HUMOUR/ELAN don't be commonplace set yourself apart in your ideas and poetry in 'she' show us who she is more description of her make us want to 'feel sorry' for her life and WHY she would commit an act worthy of an ophelia? and how? more relevant info is usually needed in most of ur work or it merely becomes offhand musings that leave no real impression - regards zaj


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