Written by Summerdream (1/17/2007 10:18:47 AM)
||Its beautiful :)
Written by westcoastmama (1/17/2007 1:31:13 PM)
||is very nicely written. Just one suggestion, if I may?
You might want to break up your sentences a bit. Doing such will cause fluidity in the reading
"Tell me what makes you silent(add a hyphen to add a small pause to punctuate what is being said)why you hide your pain
Oh, your silence is my agony
that jolts my restful mind
Dear, bring a smile on your face
and lend words to your emotions
Wipe off those gloomy tears
that sketches paleness on your cheeks...."
See what I mean? But, of course, this is my opinion. As I said, it is a nice write, nonetheless. Welcome to Moontown! ~Mary
Written by Kimber-Michaela (1/17/2007 1:49:52 PM)
very heart driven words-
very nice work