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good bye marks my beginning
By mikki*jeane on 01/17/2007
Viewed: 473
Reviews: 4

Theme Too Clear 

Written by Sorensen  (1/18/2007 6:43:28 PM)

Your word choice and line structure are excellent. I like how you mix words around. The theme here is told way too generally. The death of a mother is difficult, of course, many people cry, of course, but what is interesting is that each situation is different. What makes your mom unique? Why pages and pages of journaling? What specific situations do you cherish most? You do a lot telling without showing, so I can't get a mental image of your mom or what makes her special.

Of the two ... 

Written by Sabre  (1/20/2007 9:34:47 AM)

I like this version better. I'm also a fan of generalities as it leads to more personal interpretations when read.


Written by dsgood  (1/21/2007 4:01:15 PM)


Written by neenee  (1/21/2007 4:07:38 PM)

i like your words of understanding in this time of your life. i just lost my mom 1-12-07.

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