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Retrospection
By mshafferty on 03/14/2007
Viewed: 519
Reviews: 1
Rating:

i dig it 


Written by Persephone Rose  (3/15/2007 9:22:18 PM)

Do you know what the entails
i think that you mean "do you know what that entails"
It’s freedom to explore, and you knowing my master
perhaps start a new line after the comma
Then let go of the flesh
And listen to me and share my dreams….
i might suggest putting a comma before this part, and cutting out the beginning and, that would give it more power.
other than those little details, i thought it was excellent. so much better than all of the " i gave you everything and you still dont see who i am" poems. i get really sick of those. i like how it has an underbelly of sensuality. very nice job.


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