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The Beast Within
By UncomfortablyNumb on 04/24/2007
Viewed: 524
Reviews: 6
Rating:

 

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Written by Zyskandar A. Jaimot  (4/25/2007 10:28:42 AM)

hello uncomfortablynumb - purely regarding the 'poetics' of this piece - too many 'ing' words night, plight, fight all obviously rhyme - why it doesn't make the poem STRONGER? off rhymes tonite even defiance work to the detriment of this attempt - THE BASIC CONCEPT IS VERY GOOD 'crashing seas' 'soaring pleas' 'hide their sin' 'beast within' are too cliche for someone who can BE SO MUCH BETTER AND INVENTIVE - THIS RATING.COMMENT PROBABLY READS/SEEMS HARSH and i hope you accept it as it was intended to somehow make/bring out THE STRONGEST POEMS/EVENTS THAT I AM SURE YOU CAN EVOKE thanks for posting regards zaj

 


Written by seagypsyadventurer  (4/27/2007 3:42:14 PM)

It has potential keep working on it.

 

No Rating
Written by l0nnieugene  (4/28/2007 1:08:17 PM)

i can't find even a small bone2pick with this sensuous rage. It sizzled me as if i'd been burned by a red hot poker. it also made me admit that @times in my life i''ve had more than a little bit of that beast come 2the fore in me. @ those times i2 screamed

Nice Job 


Written by BentSpoon  (6/16/2007 12:43:08 AM)

I liked the rhyming sceme. This was put together very well. Sort of erotic (smile), but good.

 


Written by skye77  (6/1/2008 2:44:23 PM)

Slowly reading your work, Enjoying it thus far

 


Written by rachelle1165  (6/3/2008 6:26:18 AM)



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