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Seaside Romance
By lyrical_lady on 07/19/2007
Viewed: 456
Reviews: 4
Rating:

 


Written by Unknown Member  (7/19/2007 2:43:03 AM)

Of your poems posted

this one I like best--and will come back to read it again...

for me, your free verse is stronger

a lovely poem

Very Nice 


Written by Davidjroth2002  (7/19/2007 4:47:10 PM)


Killer! 


Written by Unknown Member  (7/22/2007 4:44:59 AM)

snapping fingers!

Hi Apryl, 

No Rating
Written by westcoastmama  (7/22/2007 6:18:50 PM)

This is very nicely written. The images you created a vivid and well placed. My only nit is that I feel your piece could be stronger by using "I" in place of the word "she". When you speak in first person, people seem to be able to relate to it better. Take this as an example...

"Every time the pungent scent of sea salt
Is suspended in the clammy, nighttime air,
She thinks of the sweltering summer nights
Spent with you on the golden, sandy beaches."

Every time the pungent scent of sea salt
Is suspended in the clammy, nighttime air,
I think of the sweltering summer nights
Spent with you on the golden, sandy beaches.


I know it's a slight change, but it's worth a listen. If you say your piece out loud in the original form and the revised form, you'll see what I mean. Other than that, I think it's wonderful. Oh, and Welcome to Moontown! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. ~Mary





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