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The Beating Heart
By LostMemories on 07/19/2007
Viewed: 510
Reviews: 3
Rating:

 


Written by pup  (7/20/2007 5:13:18 PM)

amazing picture!! lovely poem... i think... couldnt make out all as so small and hard to read... otherwise would be 5 star no doubt!!

with work, very good 


Written by thorne  (7/20/2007 11:35:50 PM)

Well, I think the beginning of the poem has a lot going for it. It's thoughtful and interesting to read. As it goes on though, the beating of the heart analogy or term seems to get a bit strong. Almost too complicated and possibly even overused. I think if you trimmed the poem a bit, and consider rewriting some of the beating parts, or removing them, this could be a much stronger poem.

also, small tiny edit for your benefit "there lips" should be "their lips".

I hope this helps.

-Thorne

:) 


Written by dcvz  (7/21/2007 9:58:38 AM)

I love this poem and the picture. I LOVED IT


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