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By Zyskandar A. Jaimot on 07/29/2007
Viewed: 489
Reviews: 6

A Surprise 

Written by Davidjroth2002  (7/29/2007 6:07:56 PM)

I loved the story you told here, but was surprised by your lack of attention to details - something generally missing in your work, which is to say, you usually don't miss the little things.

For example - all those elipses (...) you don't need them. Leave them off and simply don't capitalize the next line and it's obvious from punctuation that the thought is continued.

Next to last tanza - drop the redundant 'and I wonder' and replace it with a semi colon at the end of the third line so that it reads:

And I wonder when the moon disappears;
when the sky screams
if all wolves like Niki

shake and cry in dark forests

and so on.


No Rating
Written by Zyskandar A. Jaimot  (7/29/2007 6:50:28 PM)

dear djr - the very point of this was 'UNGRAMMATICALLY' in that the pronouns she and i shoukd have been transposed and yes your other obsrvations are correct - thanks for the read/comments regards zaj

Fact or fiction? 

Written by Unknown Member  (7/29/2007 7:00:57 PM)

I have known many "Niki's" from when I was raised in Quebec (long before drifting to Papeete, with chef's diploma in hand)

Wolves are my favorite people--I have written many poems about them

I love your poem--I love the subject

my memories of Yukon, Missy, and the pups-- never wane


No Rating
Written by Zyskandar A. Jaimot  (7/30/2007 10:18:31 AM)

cher pomfrite - je vous remerci thanks for the read/gentil comments NIKI was a wunderful chienne who 'nosed around' the skunk who lived under our porch and we had her in our bath cleaning/dowsing her with tomato juice and other stuff to get rid of that smell NIKI would react to 'commands'/more like pleadings but it was usually 30 seconds before she would sit, or lie down or whatever it was 'fun' to take her to the TUNBRIDGE WORLD'S FAIR and watch the 'reactions' of the people to this 'wolf' thanks again regards zaj


Written by lollybear  (7/31/2007 4:29:58 PM)

You painted this poem beautifully. Thank you.


No Rating
Written by Zyskandar A. Jaimot  (7/31/2007 7:45:59 PM)

to lollybear - thanks for the read/kind comments yes NIKI was a beautiful animal thanks again regards zaj

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