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Brokenhearted
By Universal-Lover on 08/08/2007
Viewed: 558
Reviews: 2
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Written by Davidjroth2002  (8/8/2007 4:32:10 PM)

Love poetry is so hard to review because it almost always has some basis in a piece of someone's heart or broken heart, but I'll give it a try.

This has a good foundation. I think it maybe needs a few wee tweaks.

I think I'd change 'that' in the 4th line to 'how' - flows a little more smoothly without changing the thought.

Same reason for changing 'but' in the 7th line to 'and'. Gives it stronger continuity without changing the thought.

There are a few other little thingies, but this is enough to start. Read it out loud and see if you think some of the phrases need a little tweaking for rhythm and meter.

Noce start.

Your MOM found your poem 

No Rating
Written by ChestersDaughter  (8/31/2007 11:47:36 AM)

Word to the wise oh daughter of mine, I told you I would find it eventually, never doubt my word. Nice piece but the rhythm needs a little work. I'm proud of you, love Mom


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