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First date
By Toobi-heart on 08/14/2007
Viewed: 478
Reviews: 3
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Details, Details, Details 

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Written by Davidjroth2002  (8/14/2007 2:47:17 PM)

You have a nice start - now here's a few things to think about, marked with [ ] within the body of the poem

She chose the green dress with the orange flowers
Because after all those hours
Of choosing and choosing she thought she [had] lost it
She roamed[,=??] almost everything in her closet [this line just doesn't make sense - is ther a word missing?]

She hoped she [hadn't made] him wait
But he was waiting for her downstairs [waiting is redundant here]

He thought as he rose fr[o]m his seat
They greeted each other with a simple han[d]shake

They went gaze[ing] under the stars


Their eyes met at a distance[thought they were together under the stars]
It wasn't [m]eant for their heart's resistance


 


Written by evilangel18  (8/14/2007 4:25:39 PM)

I liked it but some things were misspelled or missused. hanshake-handshake.
they went gaze under the stars- they gazed under the stars.

 


Written by motherofson  (1/14/2008 1:47:49 PM)

The first four lines were unique and interesting, made me read the rest, but the rest bored me. It is cliche, general. Be more specific. Try using one or two more things that happened, like at the beginning when you chose the dress. How does someone look at someone like she was floating on air? And, yes, there were several mispellings.


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