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My lonely Angel
By gwizardstar on 08/17/2007
Viewed: 473
Reviews: 2
Rating:

Too Many Commas 

No Rating
Written by Davidjroth2002  (8/17/2007 10:07:01 AM)

take a look at this while reading it out loud. A good rule is that if you would pause in the natural speaking of a thing, you put a comma there.

For example, the lines

Clouds will pass us by,
In the summer night sky,

Read better as

Clouds will pass us by
in the summer sky.

or even

Clouds,
will pass us by in the summer sky.

See what I mean. Better still, print a copy without the commas and have someone else read it to you and note where they stop and pause. That always helps me.

 


Written by Unmanifested_One  (11/15/2007 7:32:12 AM)

This poem is strong and rich with such sense of yearning. It really made me think. Keep it up!


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