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The Anxious Friend
By Unmanifested_One on 12/04/2007
Viewed: 453
Reviews: 6

almost, good 1st villanelle attempt 

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Written by rodochs  (12/4/2007 8:39:59 AM)

I will feel like a student trying to critique a master but here goes:

almost there. good first attempt. a couple of things though. The last stanza needs to be a quatrain. a villanelle is strictly five tercets followed by a quatrain.

the lines of each stanza should form one thought. you accomplished that in all but two stanzas: the 2nd and 5th.

I'm glad you've tackled this. I think the reason one doesn't see many villanelles is because it is difficult to find two lines that can impact the reader through multiple refrains. get it wrong and it only sounds boring and repetive. get it right and it rings...

an awesome villanelle example is Dylan Thomas's "Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night". I absolutely love it.

Another fine example that is actually a poet's post on this site is
Yolanda C.'s "The Girl in the White Box"

There are some hurky-jerky parts to the reading of the girl in a white box, however she picks two refrains that are so moving, so emotional that she creates a desire in the reader to come back to those two repeated lines. The reader is longing to return to those refrains instead of thinking "man, why is she repeating those silly lines"...that is key to the success of a villanelle...something I have yet to master.


Written by rachelle1165  (12/4/2007 3:40:20 PM)

sounds good to me but i'm not an expert on structured poetry...i see the review before mine here is and actual critique...as i read the review i am clueless....


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Written by Unmanifested_One  (12/5/2007 1:28:45 AM)

I wasn't to sure about those two stanzas. I felt that my thoughts had completely shifted into a more personal manner. When I noticed the mention of friendship coming out of nowhere I caught the flaw. I think I'll work those stanzas and see if I can't get sidetracked from one pure thought and thrown into feelings of passion and desire.


Written by meggy-moo13  (12/6/2007 12:48:18 AM)

this is good i enjoyed it btu it needs just a litttle bit more emotion in it more description i guess lol


Written by Pilgrim  (12/7/2007 1:34:45 AM)

It is simply beautiful and honest expression... a joy for the reader.


No Rating
Written by sheerluck  (12/8/2007 6:19:04 PM)

this is such a step out of your normal style, but you pulled it off. this poem is very sweet, and genuine.

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