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Starry Eyed Vision
By Unmanifested_One on 12/09/2007
Viewed: 562
Reviews: 6
Rating:

my best friend's girlfriend.... 


Written by rachelle1165  (12/9/2007 10:51:32 AM)

ah, yes...a common occurence...unrequited? anyway..very moving....and intense...yearning..

'And her joy I would gladly uncover,
Yet my hands on her heart do not have grip'.
'

maybe:

'And her joy I would gladly uncover;
my hands on her heart cannot keep their grip.;
or
'my hands on her heart continue to slip'



anyway...another good poem


Thanks 

No Rating
Written by Unmanifested_One  (12/9/2007 1:29:38 PM)

I appreciate your kind words of criticism. I'll change that line to one of your suggested ones. I didn't like the way it sounded anyway.

 


Written by starry-eyed  (12/9/2007 2:20:26 PM)


 


Written by Biggus  (12/10/2007 8:06:12 AM)


 


Written by sheerluck  (12/11/2007 5:28:30 PM)

this is such a pretty poem. the girl that inspired this poem is so lucky to have you in her life.

I melted 


Written by TTS  (12/12/2007 11:58:40 PM)



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