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Running A 100 Miles An Running
By TroyArchy on 05/22/2008
Viewed: 447
Reviews: 3
Rating:

That didnt make sense.. 


Written by DancingFire  (5/23/2008 10:47:04 AM)

u wrote (Everyday is the question i ask)

i mean, that didnt make and sense, and its more like a question i should ask.

Thanxs for the review 

No Rating
Written by TroyArchy  (5/25/2008 1:29:42 AM)

It sort of about my life in these streets. Riding by looking at the ones I passed thats about all the friends and relationships I been in and now there all gone. This is kinda about the life I live. All I think about is collecting that cash is about hustlin. I think about the times I should've stayed in that class means instead of hustlin I should of stayed in school instead I always left school to make money to take care of my ass every time after 1st or 2nd period everyday. If I stayed in school I would of been doing alot more better than now.

More description 


Written by jporter188  (5/27/2008 4:59:47 PM)

This has the makings of something quite interesting. It sort of reminds me of this:

THE POOL PLAYERS.
SEVEN AT THE GOLDEN SHOVEL.

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15433

One thing to think about is how grammer is used or misused constructively in your poems.

Also, with a poem like this it is difficult for the reader to understand your thoughts. Don't hold back. Find very concrete objective things we all understand. For example, if this as you wrote in your response to the review a reflection of relationships you passed up, then tell us who the ones you passed are and perhaps metaphorically describe that process. Talk about what the car feels like, what you see as you pass them, etc.

Good luck!

Jeremy


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