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made from the roof of his cardboard home
By llanth on 06/23/2008
Viewed: 412
Reviews: 6
Rating:

hmmm 


Written by Leavy  (6/23/2008 8:26:47 AM)

I like the spirit of the poem and the clarifying of true moral based in the idea of looking beyond our own small perception of the world...

as far as style is concerned, this poem seems to take a hard jump into the real intent only at the last moment rather than a unified underlying theme, but perhaps that in itself is part and parcel with an even deeper meaning something like "wake up!"

thank you for sharing. and if no one else has said it yet, welcome to the cafe (and even if they have :>)

bit depressing; 


Written by thedeadfreak  (9/1/2008 1:38:31 PM)

very good point of view.
I could never imagine myself in that position. we all think: oh. thatll never be me... but most dont think- what if it was me?
i agree with leavvy
we are very much in a haven of money and mateerial in our own minds that we don't recognize the people who are fighting to live without that shield, sad.
i donate. =]
-annie

 


Written by Addiction  (9/1/2008 7:05:12 PM)

it was very intense,and it really makes one think. it needs some cleaning up,but otherwise,it's a fairly good work.
keep it up.

Keep Working 


Written by sverigeman  (9/1/2008 8:23:42 PM)

This is very much like a Charles Bukowski poem. It deals with the world of homelessness, injustice, and a strata of vulnerable characters.

Bukowski deals with alcohol, under employment, sex, and loneliness. I consider many of his poems to be "popcorn" poems -- easy reads about important human issues.

Keep up the good efforts.

a bold 


Written by blogetry  (9/2/2008 9:30:36 PM)

and intriguing effort that illuminates one of the dark alleys of society - homelessness....trumped by the real sinners - LIARS...Though-provoking!
b

 


Written by Yvette  (9/14/2008 12:18:45 AM)

The story and idea is solid but it seems to unravel near the end. Perhaps you will come back to this on a later date and revise this making it even better.


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