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my very own little love story
By hotstuff on 07/02/2008
Viewed: 433
Reviews: 4
Rating:

very nice and rhythmic 


Written by rachelle1165  (7/2/2008 8:55:41 PM)

and sweet too...

sometimes i think you should break up your lines

i.e

"I am not a stalker,
I can honestly say.
But when I fix my eyes upon you
I cannot turn away."

it just seems to come off sharper and stronger that way to me(but thats only my unschooled opinion...take it as such)

R

 

No Rating
Written by hotstuff  (7/3/2008 9:45:38 AM)

Ok rachelle does this look any better?l considering that you are far more experinced in this than i am i thought to take your advice. it actually reads better to me. so feel free to tell me what you think

thanks for allthe support

 

No Rating
Written by Poetmaster32  (7/3/2008 9:38:41 PM)

are people shy on this website, i had 6 views and no one wrote anything. That's why I wrote what I did to get people looking.

looks good! 

No Rating
Written by rachelle1165  (7/5/2008 3:27:22 PM)



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