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Hope You're Happy (Hurt)
By L on 01/05/2009
Viewed: 389
Reviews: 5

You are moving forward - eloquently 

Written by Lola29  (1/6/2009 9:40:52 AM)

yes I am...... 

No Rating
Written by L  (1/6/2009 11:24:16 AM)

thank you for the help and the listen

good rhythm and rhyme 

No Rating
Written by rachelle1165  (1/7/2009 4:19:36 PM)

but some grammatical errors...

"Your" should be spelled "You're",in the title, 3rd and 4th stanza...
"to" should be "too" in 3rd, 4th and 7th stanza...

in 3rd stanza, I would drop the word "come"...it throws off the line...:
I would also split up the last line:

Make a wish, blow out your candles."

Thank You R1165 :) 

No Rating
Written by L  (1/7/2009 6:08:03 PM)

Looks much better
Changed come to arrive in third stanza,
Would drop but I was saying we watch her come home and ignore when she leaves

thank you for your help and support


1 year ago 

No Rating
Written by L  (12/18/2009 1:33:17 PM)


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