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My promise...
By MunkofFunk on 05/03/2009
Viewed: 460
Reviews: 2
Rating:

Short and sweet? 


Written by kewlstar  (5/3/2009 4:46:59 PM)

Your idea is great, but a better word choice would make it splendid.

You are the air that "cools" me, you could change the word "cools" to something more imaginative, vivid, aspiring.

i can't imagine life w.o you: yes, but could you describe that feeling with deeper thoughts? how hard would it be w.o her? such thoughtful lines make poetry beautiful :).

This is a great poem, keep writing. :)

Short and Sweet 

No Rating
Written by MunkofFunk  (5/3/2009 5:07:47 PM)

Thanks for your comments. It was ment to be short and sweet ;)

Read the first line of each sentance.

My poem begins with me and end with you. I ("Me") am the begining of my life and my girl ("you") will see me to my end.

In my mind at least I like to hide message in structure.


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