Written by Unknown Member (5/3/2009 5:17:19 PM)
Written by Unknown Member (5/3/2009 6:29:13 PM)
||I thought this poem was beautifully written.
The one crumbled note?
With liquor and tears,
Of a screaming throat."
My favorite part!!
I think you can strike out "the" in the second and last line. And you can change "gets" to something like..."keeps" or "holds" in the 6th line.
Nice poem; but I feel like it was a bit forced. Maybe because your other poems are so passionate. Is that just me? Don't matter, still good. :)
May I give a poetry tip that has helped me a lot?
Before writing, close your eyes until the images are vivid in your mind, and the emotions are alive in your veins. Only then, write the images/emotion. Don't stop to think of the words, but the picture. Edit the words you use later.
I don't know, that has just helped me. :)
Nice job! :)
Sorry my review is so long. I hope it makes sense. =P
Thank you very much
Written by kewlstar (5/3/2009 11:59:57 PM)
||Leaf: I understand your rating, i expected it to be low :).
Notebook: Thank you for reading this poem with such focus, and helping me to edit. I actually expected the ratings of this poem to be low, since it was written 6-7 years ago, in my math class ;). "Indeed was fored to write someting due to broedom :P"
Your tip: I will keep that in mind, and attempt it next time. Usually my thoughts are spontaneous, When an idea strikes, I sit down to write. I can never decide to write poetry and find a decent thought to write about :S.