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Will you go out with me?
By kewlstar on 05/07/2009
Viewed: 786
Reviews: 17
Rating:

 


Written by Unknown Member  (5/7/2009 9:29:42 AM)

Great Read! Keep writing I want to read more!

Erm 

No Rating
Written by kewlstar  (5/7/2009 10:23:10 AM)

Pearine, thank you for reading. But if you are going to give me 3 star, I believe you should leave me with constructive criticism, so i can improve :). Simply saying a poem is good, and giving it moderate rating, is really dis-heartening for the writer.


:D 


Written by Unknown Member  (5/7/2009 10:48:10 AM)

"Then we chase for the train,
Surging waves.
Flown away umbrella''s trace.
So we are soaked,
Under the bridge of tree."

And then you rob someone, right? hahah =P Wow, this poem is amazing. Thanks for starting my day with a smile. :D

Will you go out with me ? 


Written by andraLiquori  (5/7/2009 10:55:14 AM)

I very much agree with what you said to Pearine regarding the rating. Also, I certainly don't believe it deserves only a 3 star rating ! I love this poem, it paints such a vivid picture in my head, it is very detailed, in such a simple way, which I know is HARD to do, and it's romantic - personally, I really love it !

Thank you 

No Rating
Written by kewlstar  (5/7/2009 11:42:56 AM)

Haha Val, Thats why we run ;) so we dont' have to rob hehe. Ty for reading, glad i brought a smile to your face :).


Ian: Yes, you seem to understand my point of view. Thank you for that. I don't mind someone rating me low, as long as they give me precise comment to improve, as a matter of fact i would love their comments the more they critic me. Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it.

Good job 


Written by Ignorance/is/bliss  (5/7/2009 2:36:04 PM)

It involved some very nice imagery. I especially enjoyed

Chuckle, will my heart,
Teasing your gluttony art.

It was nice. But it sounds a little choppy when it is read out loud

Ignorance 

No Rating
Written by kewlstar  (5/7/2009 3:11:19 PM)

Thank you for reading, and i admire your comments.

I believe it is the pronunciation of "gluttony" which may have been hard to pronounce when you read it out loud, however if you can say it right, it seems to flow smooth. At least according to me :D Or is it something else that is choppy? :D hehe

I just noticed... 

No Rating
Written by Unknown Member  (5/7/2009 11:46:11 PM)

Is it an accident that the words Freeze, Vernal and Absorb are capitalized? Or is there significance in that? Since those words are not at the beginning of a line..hmm..Just wondering. =P

Yes 

No Rating
Written by kewlstar  (5/7/2009 11:56:00 PM)

Yes, Val, you are actually the only person who has noticed it :)
It maynot be an accepted structure of poetry,
but the "caps" of those letters do mean something more significant :).
These words have "dual" meanings, one more towards the literal side, and the other more towards the depth of imagination.

I admire your keen follow of my lines, lets me know it surely tingles ;).

Thank you

Yes 

No Rating
Written by kewlstar  (5/7/2009 11:56:01 PM)

Yes, Val, you are actually the only person who has noticed it :)
It maynot be an accepted structure of poetry,
but the "caps" of those letters do mean something more significant :).
These words have "dual" meanings, one more towards the literal side, and the other more towards the depth of imagination.

I admire your keen follow of my lines, lets me know it surely tingles ;).

Thank you


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