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The Occasion
By andraLiquori on 05/16/2009
Viewed: 482
Reviews: 3
Rating:

 


Written by zlobna7879  (5/16/2009 12:20:18 PM)

wow,this is really great :)
it's like time stopped,really nice..

 


Written by JdSchooley  (5/16/2009 12:36:02 PM)

I felt this had not the soft flow in all aspects that I think you are hoping for. "amidst" sort of clunked with me, I might suggest (amid) and "dance a slow dance" may flow better with (waltz) in place of one "dance". Lastly, "of the occasion" lacks nuance, and I hope that you may have a more original expression for the end, and possibly most important line.

Keep it up, Jd

 


Written by TheDividedAngel  (5/16/2009 5:10:34 PM)



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