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By zlobna7879 on 05/21/2009
Viewed: 378
Reviews: 4


Written by JdSchooley  (5/21/2009 2:22:24 PM)

Your message is very personal. To us, the readers, I think we need to be drawn in a little more. This may be short and I think there is a little more to help us see the situation. I like it a lot, and think it may be improved. Jd


Written by kewlstar  (5/21/2009 6:03:39 PM)

Try writing each feeling literally like a picture.
How do you feel when you sense someone is missing? Once you feel that, what image does it give if you close your eyes? Draw that image with words. You did try that over here, and it is matter of practice before you develop. I see potential, you will be a very charming and influential writer.

Keep writing :)


No Rating
Written by zlobna7879  (5/23/2009 11:58:48 AM)

thanks for the advices I'll work on it ^^



Written by Onojin  (5/24/2009 3:45:18 PM)

great imagery and language, and as always a great depth of feeling, an emotionally charged poem

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