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I Simply Feel by DesBoyIan
By DesertBoyIan on 06/02/2009
Viewed: 396
Reviews: 2
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Written by InkOnSkin  (6/2/2009 5:47:09 AM)

Hmmm... makes one think~

keep it up 


Written by Nai  (6/3/2009 11:35:51 AM)

i really like this one
good leading of inner story
confussion
speechlessness
imagery

you need more emotional conection with the reader or distance enough for us to have sentiment

also, you should try shortening some lines and ending ur lines with important words
ie
heart
loose
feel
gone

not insignificant words such as
is
out


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