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When we first met
By Acorn on 06/15/2009
Viewed: 626
Reviews: 1
Rating:

work to be done 


Written by Chris Jarmick  (6/16/2009 3:10:28 PM)

There were no fireworks, no bells rang

might work better as first line.

I'd get rid of extra words like articles the and a

If your going to use cliche's...use them, don't change things because you can't think of a rhyme

find something that will rhyme with hell didn't freeze for instance...

I like the idea of the poem and of using cliches as well...

Keep writing.


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