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SLEEP ON IT
By Biggus on 10/23/2009
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Reviews: 2
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Written by Seth  (10/23/2009 6:56:18 PM)

I like this, but there is too much repetition. I'd try something like this:

Last night I was sad,
I was mad,
I hated you!
Last night I was crying,
I was dying,
I berated you!

Last night I was unforgiving;
Last night I was tired of living!

Repetition is a valuable tool to create a rhythm or metre for a poem, but I liken too much of it to a drummer who just doesn't let off the cymbal. Keep this in mind, and keep up the good works!

 


Written by Rull  (10/30/2009 6:46:58 AM)



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