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By zlobna7879 on 01/28/2010
Viewed: 410
Reviews: 5


Written by midnightwolf  (1/28/2010 11:03:41 PM)

i like it but it seems to be missing something crucial


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Written by zlobna7879  (1/28/2010 11:23:16 PM)

thank you :)
i know,but i just can't figure out what it is,i had tones of ideas,but still always is something missing,maybe i'll figure it out these days hehe

thanks for reading :)

deserves to be worked on and polished 

Written by EmptyBamboo  (1/29/2010 12:44:00 AM)

it was a thrilling reading. hope to read it once more after revision.


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Written by zlobna7879  (2/4/2010 2:09:57 PM)

thanks :D
hope i won't let you down :P


Written by JdSchooley  (2/4/2010 2:49:47 PM)

You confused then with than,in lines 17,19 and 21... but that is an aside.
I found this very revealing on a personal level and rather gutsy. As to what might be needed, I thought I might like to see a little repetition of one or more lines to punch up a point here and there?
Very good work....

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