Written by Cervantes (8/30/2011 10:33:06 AM)
I like the way this poem fires out of the blocks but it loses some steam in the end. The first three lines are a real draw to me as a reader but then it gets a little muddled and the end is kind of cliche. Maybe make some concrete image connections on how you are uneay and what intensity lingers in your childish heart. More solid images will just make this piece into something greater. Demonized is a broad word make it finite and tangible with concrete imagery.