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By wbb1950 on 02/12/2009
Viewed: 424
Reviews: 3


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Written by goodtobe58  (12/26/2016 4:34:08 PM)

The last stanza would sound better and be closer to good diction if you were to say; a tree without leaves or without a leaf. A leaf without a tree does not make much sense for it indicates that trees grow on leave when it is the other way: leaves grow on trees. They are depending on the tree, not the tree on the leaf. Also, a leaf without a tree is a dead leaf, a fallen leaf, so the metaphor is a bad one. think about this.

There are other minor problem, but the one indicated above is the one that spoiled what looked like a good poem.



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Written by goodtobe58  (7/2/2017 3:19:20 PM)


Written by goodtobe58  (7/2/2017 3:31:29 PM)

There are so abstract ideas here such as beauty always knowing as if beauty were a goddess or a knowing being, a concept to vague for most childred to get if this was intended indeed for a child to read for this side is for children`s verse.

The rest of the poem gets better and the language turns to being more poetic and suitable for a child.

Keep improving!
You now can order my book of poems on kindle. It sells for 2.99$.
Just go to amamzon.com and type my name Luis A. Estble or the anme of the book; " One Hundred Sonnets, Book Two."

I would like you to pass the word around, and if you could, leave a review after reading.

Thank you much and take care!

Luis A. Estable

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