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Black Obscurity
By KyleTheMadcap on 02/11/2007
Viewed: 521
Reviews: 4
Rating:

 


Written by Crazyjed  (2/11/2007 2:43:14 PM)

A nice piece here. It is real. couple grammar things-

"Apon these feilds of red"

apon should be upon.

"A sound we use to dread"
use- maybe used?

"The life I once had know is dead"
know to past tense known.

"My worst fears now reality"
maybe- My worst fear is now reality."

All in all a GREAT poem. The rythm is off due to grammatical mistakes but once they are fixed I think this would be a great poem. Keep it real. Julia




Speaks alot of truth 


Written by Freya13friday  (2/17/2007 6:10:35 AM)

Very well written you are a great poet that speaks about the world from a very smart perspective. Keep looking through those great eyes!!! you are a TRUE poet!

VERY strong 


Written by soulpoet  (2/18/2007 8:59:31 PM)

this is what makes a good song. powerful lyrics. in my opinion, your last line renders the reader speechless:
"the blue blanket above us now/ is no longer a sky"

i think you meant to put an 'is' on the last line, so i put it there in the quote

everything is good about this.
and this is real poetry.
to me, this is one of the best lyrics to ANYTHING i've ever read, professional or amateur

 


Written by SilverMoon  (5/25/2013 4:06:26 PM)



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