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Broken
By Maryum on 10/12/2015
Viewed: 222
Reviews: 3
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Broken 


Written by deadmanseeking  (10/12/2015 2:12:13 AM)

how sad. Sometimes both sides can write this poem. thx

Broken 


Written by Ianthepoet  (10/12/2015 5:27:43 PM)

Ah, how very, very sad! But a couple of things - the rhyme feels a bit sing-song, try a softer rhyme scheme, or perhaps a rounding one? Just my thought - also, the last line "Now I'm stuck with him and his fierce", it sounds like it stopped in mid sentence - his fierce what? Is it possibly a typo? or am I not understanding it? I was unsure?

Broken. 

No Rating
Written by Maryum  (10/12/2015 6:26:46 PM)

She died in mid sentence, or more like fell in love with his fierce, gasp.


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