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Mold Me
By OliviaStrange on 09/22/2011
Viewed: 199
Reviews: 2
Rating:

 


Written by Cervantes  (9/27/2011 10:31:32 AM)

I like this piece. Especially the first line. That opening set a dark adventurous tone for the piece. I think the second line is ok except that it feels like it isn't connected to the first. I don't think you need to rewrite it but add something like whenat the beggining. You don't lose any flow with that but go ahead and choose something there to connect it. Maybe lose the first comma in line three also and S3L2 I would add my to the begging of that line.It reads cleaner. The rest of the poem is quite a story and I love its darkness. I think the last line is so telling too but leaves the reader with just a sense of what is happening which is titillating to me. Nice write.

 


Written by Unknown Member  (10/23/2011 1:11:16 PM)



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